Miranda greeted me happily, and was even more happy when Zach and I presented the box of macaroons she had requested. We all spent the evening together at the Landhaus, a cozy local bar across from my future job site. I shared case spaetzle with Miranda, one of our favorite Bavarian dishes. It’s essentially German mac and cheese, except it’s topped in fried onions and layers of different cheeses. If you ever visit Munich, I am confident in promising that the Landhaus has the best case spaetzle in the city. Miranda, Zac and I watched a football match between Italy and Portugal on the big screen. The night escaped us, because time really does fly when you’re having fun. A few beers, many laughs, and cheers for Italia- the underdogs in this case.
The day of Zach’s departure was such an awful one that it’s not even worth writing about, it brings back bad memories. We had anticipated how difficult the separation would be, but with his flight closing in within less than 24 hours, I cried most of the night. Then I cried on and off the entire following day. He held it together fairly well, holding me close and reassuring me, trying to look at the situation optimistically. The clock was the enemy. I detested looking at it more than ever. 5 hours, 3 hours, 1 hour, 30 minutes until he had to catch the next bus. My whimpering turned into sobbing and I clung onto him more tightly the closer we got to saying goodbye. I guess I should have expected such a reaction when you’ve spent every day with someone for the past 4 months, especially someone like Zach. He’s jumped off of ski lifts to save me, taken me out of the house when things were hectic with a bottle of wine and a candle-making me laugh till 3 am under the stars, he’s left notes on my dresser for me to wake up to, expressing immense love in the most simple ways. He’s crossed oceans for me. He is the most amazing human I know. He is the reason why it’s important not to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
Have you ever felt emotional pain so deep that it rattles through your chest? My heart physically ached, as he hugged me for the last time in what I knew would be a while. When I saw tears start to weld up in his eyes, I lost it. It felt so wrong to send him away. Some things are just out of our hands, external forces push into our lives and shake things up. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is mitigate and adapt. He left my arms and kissed my forehead, turning quickly to the door and exiting as I tried to blink the flood of tears away. I peeked my head out of the doorway and watched him leave, he didn’t turn around to look back. I understood though, I think he would never have left if he did. I dove into my room, everything a blur, literally. I was crying so much I couldn’t see. I hugged my pillow and rocked back and forth, trying to remember the last time I cried like this. It almost seemed foreign. I heard a light knock at my door and a little voice call my name: “Sen?”
The door opened when my response was only sobs and deep gasps for air. Miranda jumped on the bed beside me and wrapped her arms around me, rocking me back and forth like a kid who just experienced a nightmare. She reassured me and reminded me of how close Zach would be, only a two hour flight away. She told me how amazing it would be when we would see each other again. She even got me to laugh a little bit, and as I sat up and wiped my tears away, I began to feel comforted. Even more so, I felt thankful. I was so thankful to have Miranda as my new roommate- our childhood dream. Roommates, living together, in a different country! Our childhood selves would be so proud of the goals we’ve crossed off the bucket lists we used to make at sleepovers when we were 11. Miranda sat on my bed with me for hours after Zach left, cheering me up best she could. I thought about how lucky I was to have so many supportive stones in my foundation- so many powerful people that helped to serve as building blocks in my life. One temporarily physically left, so another one rotated in. 15 years of friendship and many more to come, Miranda never failed to be there for me. Distance between oceans only strengthened our bond, as well as our mutual love for adventure.
